Seven Cardinal Virtues of Memoir
Memoir is a rich and beautiful genre which can sweep readers into new worlds, expose them to unfamiliar realities, and offer perspectives they’ve never considered. When done well, memoir fosters empathy and understanding, two qualities which are sorely needed in this world. Yet in order to capture people’s interest and get them invested in the story, there are a few principles to keep in mind. I have created this list by thinking about what makes memoir writing successful—in my own experience, in the work I do with clients, and in the books by favorite authors who have inspired me.
1. Be Authentic
There is no point in writing a memoir if you are going to hold back. It takes guts to put your story out there because nobody has a perfect life. If you don’t get vulnerable, your book will feel flat and you’ll miss the deeper connection with readers. This doesn’t mean you have to write a tell-all or that you should overshare and risk harming yourself and others (more on this in a separate post.) It simply means you need to do some serious soul-searching and ask yourself what challenges you’ve experienced which you’re willing to write honestly about, and what lessons you learned. This is where the real wealth of the human experience lies, and it’s what will make your book powerful.
2. Be Descriptive
The more you can create a sensory experience for your readers, the more thoroughly they will get immersed in the story. Paint a picture for them with your words. Tell them every detail of what you were seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and feeling when the thing you’re writing about happened. Don’t just say you were at the beach—describe the silver glitter of sand, the latticed shadows of palm fronds, the whisper of lapping waves, the sting of salt air. What did it feel like on that tropical island right before the action happened? Was the air soft and liquid at dusk, or the sun scorching at midday? Although you’re not writing a novel, whenever you’re telling a story in your book you need sensory language to bring it to life.
3. Be Thematic
Memoir is not your entire life story told chronologically. (That’s autobiography; we’ll explore the differences in a separate post.) Memoir is selective around a theme. Isak Dineson recounted her time on a Kenyan coffee farm in Out of Africa. Andre Agassi wrote about his tennis career in Open. Joan Didion explored grief after her husband’s sudden passing in The Year of Magical Thinking. These people had so much more to their lives than those time periods and topics, yet their observations and experiences are contained within clear boundaries. Memoirs are made great as much by what is left out as what is included, so pick a theme for your book and curate accordingly.
4. Be Truthful
Memoir is nonfiction, meaning it’s real. If you intentionally alter the facts, that is an autobiographical novel, which is perfectly okay as long as you acknowledge it as such. But if you fictionalize and call it memoir, that can get you in trouble. Probably the most famous example in recent years is Million Little Pieces, James Frey’s addiction recovery memoir which was a wildly popular Oprah Book Club selection before being exposed as partially false. (Oprah tore Frey up in a live interview for deceiving countless readers.) His attempts to defend himself with the phrase “poetic license” only made things worse, casting a long shadow over the entire genre for a few years. Even if you don’t outright fabricate, just know that “poetic license” can be a slippery slope when it comes to memoir. The two biggest questions to ask yourself are: what are my intentions, and am I being transparent? This is your story and you have a right to tell it your way, but it’s important to own your own fallible memory and limited perceptions.
5. Be Structured
Whether you pen a loose collection of vignettes or a complex multilayered masterpiece with a thirty-page outline, there needs to be a deliberate arc. Ideally you would have this mapped out before starting the actual writing, that way your time at the desk is efficiently spent. You are writing this memoir because you lived something incredible and you have a lot to say about it, so you want the reader to feel the import just like you did. With a well-crafted structure, you can recreate your journey in an intentional way for max impact.
6. Be Strategic with Dialogue
Memoir aims for a sweet spot with dialogue—not as much as a novel, not as little as a textbook (which has zero dialogue.) In recreating your memories, you want every bit of dialogue to count. Maybe it helps bring a character to life by capturing their voice directly. Maybe it underscores an emotional moment with words that are forever burned onto your brain. Maybe it’s a comic line which makes the reader laugh out loud. Dialogue can create some of the most memorable moments in the book, or the most tedious. Use it sparingly and with care.
7. Be Willing to Seek Support
Writing a book is hard. Just getting to the finish line is challenging enough, but with memoir you must factor in how close this is to your heart—your story is as dear to you as it is vulnerable. So it’s normal to go through a wide range of emotions (fear, grief, guilt, insecurity, imposter syndrome…the list goes on) as you relive your journey on the page. You will absolutely need support. This could come from a therapist, life coach, or author coach. It could come from a spouse or trusted friend who agrees to read your drafts and offer gentle feedback. It could come from a writer’s circle or support group which offers a safe, judgment-free space to talk through parts of your story. It could come from an editor or ghostwriter who becomes a trusted thought partner. Whether you need an accountability partner, a cheerleader, or a full-service ghostwriter who can ensure the project’s success, find that person and lean on them. Don’t try to do this alone.
